by Clara Maney, Freelance Writer
They tell me, “keep your head up”,
but what if it wasn’t up to begin with?
What if it was already bobbing
below the waves
gasping for air
when it was pushed down yet again?
What then?
What when a person that was forced to tread water
with no life vest
in a rocky storm
is then given weights to hold up?
There’s no “keep your head up”
I was already drowning.
You can’t tell someone who was pushed in the deep end
before they were even old enough for a swim lesson
to keep their head above the waves
if they haven’t gotten out of the water since.
So don’t think I’m ungrateful for your support
when I scoff, snicker, or sigh
at your attempt to give me strength.
Forgive me, for I’ve been forced to be strong for too long
and your feeble attempt at recognizing my resilience
just reminds me that I have to wake up every day,
only to swim in an ocean
without a life vest, or even a swim lesson
and with weights on my feet,
drowning my soul,
leaving only my head above the waves,
visible for the sole purpose of easing others
so they don’t feel the need to jump in
and carry me to shore.